Back in college, I briefly dated this guy named Rob. There is a conversation we had one night that I have thought about frequently over the years, and that I was thinking particularly hard about his morning. It was a long discussion about the various weird games that we play in our minds on a regular basis. As it turned out, whenever he entered a new room (a room he had never been in before), Rob would spend the first few moments in that room imagining an axe-shaped thing bouncing from each corner of the room, back to him. Once all the corners had been mentally bounced by the axe, he felt more comfortable being in the room. Yeah, we were probably high when we had this conversation.
Anyways, at a certain level, I’m sure this kind of weirdness gets classified as some sort of OCD. But I’m pretty convinced that we all have these little games. For example, why I was thinking about the conversation this morning: the volume button on my car radio is a bit smushed, and it’s hard to get the volume to just the right spot. And when I say just the right spot, I mean, for me - it has to, HAS TO BE on an even number. Unless it’s on five, which is half of ten, which somehow therefore counts as an even number. So when I couldn’t get my volume off of the number seventeen this morning, and it vexed me so much that I had to pull my car over and fiddle with the button, I thought of Rob and his axe.
I’d like to say that even-volumes are my only freaky little neurosis, but… well, then I’d be lying to you. So here they are, the top five neuroses I’ve had and have in all their glory, past and present:
1. The volume thingy, as explained. Which also goes for television volumes, ipod volumes, and all volumes in general. Also, if there aren’t enough evens in your telephone number, I may not call you that much because, well, dialling a bunch of odds makes me feel all squirmy.
2. I don’t do this one anymore, but I think it’s pretty weird so i’ll include it. When I was little, I had to put on all my clothes before I counted to ten. I used to line my clothes up in front of my closet and take a deep breath before I got dressed. Then I’d get dressed as fast as possible while counting to ten. If I didn’t get dressed before ten, I’d have to take everything off and start again. (Thank god I outgrew that one, it takes me long enough to dig out my cleanest dirty shirt these days!)
3. My keyboard has to be perfectly in line with my computer screen or I cannot work. Why I prefer working on a laptop!
4. I must have see-through shower curtains. Otherwise when I’m in the bathroom I freak out that there’s somebody in the tub, and when I’m in the tub I freak out that there’s somebody in the bathroom.
5. I have to alternate which foot gets to sleep outside of the covers, in case the other foot feels bad.
All right people, it’s your turn! Gimme your top five freakies! Or an even number of them.
June 5th, 2009 at
2. When driving alone at night on the highway, staring ahead and feeling any overpasses or bridges zoom by, across my head and behind me, with the same feeling as flying in a 3D game. Almost as good as sitting in the middle of the last bench in a preferably empty bus, as it worms itself through the darkness home - a very physical elongated box twisting and turning through time and space.
4. Asparagus - white ones à la flamande only - have to be eaten so the tips stays last.
June 5th, 2009 at
ehmmmm….you forgot 2 very important ones…they deserve to be included in the list as well as the others, otherwise they might feel bad, poor freakies!!!
Anyway:
-the carpets have to be perfectly in line with the walls;
-you need to put your left foot somewhere higher then the ground (bathtub, chair, dog) while you brush your teeth;
As far as I am concerned I don’t have freakies…yours are enough for the both of us.
June 5th, 2009 at
Although I never make the bed in the morning, I must straighten it out at night before getting in. Sheets and comforter must be equal on both sides of the bed. Most days hubby is already in bed, and I have to do it with him in it. He thinks I’m crazy.
Oh crap, I can’t think of another! I don’t want the whole odd number thing to make you squirmy!
June 6th, 2009 at
You had to get me to admit this?
5) I have a deep and abiding oral fixation. It’s awful. As a child, I ate paper and string, I chew on pens, I chew on forks, I chew on anything. I eat licorice not because I like the taste but for the pleasure of chewing. See also taco chips and crusty bread. Carrot sticks. Taste is nothing compared to mouth feel.
None of that is as embarrassing as this:
5a) In 2000 I bought a Simpsons brand steering wheel cover (perhaps it was a gift?) and it was covered in tiny blue nubs to improve your grip. Every time I got in the car after I started the car, I would twist off one of those blue nubs, place it in my mouth, and chew it until I arrived at my destination where I would spit it out of the window, loogie-style. /freak.
June 6th, 2009 at
1. The covers on my bed have to be heavy. I need to feel the weight. It’s even better when I can put my head underneath there too.
2. I’m working really hard to get rid of this one: Whenever I’m talking to someone, I can’t look them in the eye. I’ll look at you every few seconds, but most of the time I’m staring at my hands, the wall, your ears,…
3. I can’t stand it when I’m sitting down and there’s somebody else standing behind me (like reading over my shoulder).
4. There has to be something in my bed that I can hold, like an extra pillow or when I’m in a sleepingbag, a sweater. I don’t have to hold it, but it has to be available.
I’ve got plenty more, but my comment is long enough already…
June 24th, 2009 at
oh! After long meditation I have found one (1) freaky o’ mine! I cannot have a person/ car/ bike in front of me and close enough I can almost touch it when I walk/ drive/ ride.
It’s annoying and was incredibly painful when, some years ago, I was used to compete long races with my bicycle….I could not stand to have another person right in front of me…I needed to have free space…and this, after 150+ km of race, was slightly annoying…. :-/