Back in college, I briefly dated this guy named Rob. There is a conversation we had one night that I have thought about frequently over the years, and that I was thinking particularly hard about his morning. It was a long discussion about the various weird games that we play in our minds on a regular basis. As it turned out, whenever he entered a new room (a room he had never been in before), Rob would spend the first few moments in that room imagining an axe-shaped thing bouncing from each corner of the room, back to him. Once all the corners had been mentally bounced by the axe, he felt more comfortable being in the room. Yeah, we were probably high when we had this conversation.
Anyways, at a certain level, I’m sure this kind of weirdness gets classified as some sort of OCD. But I’m pretty convinced that we all have these little games. For example, why I was thinking about the conversation this morning: the volume button on my car radio is a bit smushed, and it’s hard to get the volume to just the right spot. And when I say just the right spot, I mean, for me - it has to, HAS TO BE on an even number. Unless it’s on five, which is half of ten, which somehow therefore counts as an even number. So when I couldn’t get my volume off of the number seventeen this morning, and it vexed me so much that I had to pull my car over and fiddle with the button, I thought of Rob and his axe.
I’d like to say that even-volumes are my only freaky little neurosis, but… well, then I’d be lying to you. So here they are, the top five neuroses I’ve had and have in all their glory, past and present:
1. The volume thingy, as explained. Which also goes for television volumes, ipod volumes, and all volumes in general. Also, if there aren’t enough evens in your telephone number, I may not call you that much because, well, dialling a bunch of odds makes me feel all squirmy.
2. I don’t do this one anymore, but I think it’s pretty weird so i’ll include it. When I was little, I had to put on all my clothes before I counted to ten. I used to line my clothes up in front of my closet and take a deep breath before I got dressed. Then I’d get dressed as fast as possible while counting to ten. If I didn’t get dressed before ten, I’d have to take everything off and start again. (Thank god I outgrew that one, it takes me long enough to dig out my cleanest dirty shirt these days!)
3. My keyboard has to be perfectly in line with my computer screen or I cannot work. Why I prefer working on a laptop!
4. I must have see-through shower curtains. Otherwise when I’m in the bathroom I freak out that there’s somebody in the tub, and when I’m in the tub I freak out that there’s somebody in the bathroom.
5. I have to alternate which foot gets to sleep outside of the covers, in case the other foot feels bad.
All right people, it’s your turn! Gimme your top five freakies! Or an even number of them.
