Some pointers on eating and food consumption in general, here in Belgium…
1. Milk: Refrigerate!? Have you gone mad? Keep it in your cupboard until it turns green, then move it to the fridge as cheese.
2. Fries (Fritjes or frites): Invented in Belgium, not France (wink, wink), so it’s really nationalism to have them with every meal.
3. Asparagus: Why buy it green when you can starve the plants in the 
dark underground and then eat them with a clammy, sickly-white glossy sheen?
4. “Haute Cuisine”: Requires nothing more than a trip to your garden, where you may find rabbits, frogs, snails, slugs and any other manner of creature to trap. Throw it in some butter, garnish with garnish, and charge a ridiculous price. Goooood eatin’!
5. Mussels: Jean Claude Van Damme is from Brussels, did you know that? Yep, they call him the “Mussels from Brussels”. Don’t let that scare you off, though. Just remember, mussels are best eaten in months ending in “R”. Van Damme ends in “E’.
6. Chocolate: Some places in the center of Brussels, you can see it in shop windows for hundreds of Euros per muffin-size cake. Lots of small chocolate boutiques with yummy (free!) stuff to try. If you live here, you’d better scope out the nearest shop to your house because you’ll need to bring a box to every damn occasion, including your own birthday. And this is a Catholic country. That’s a lot of chocolates.
7. Waffles (gaufres): Only the tourists eat the (delicious, warm, melty, sweet) loaded ones with Nutella, whipped cream, strawberries, banana, chocolate sauce, … hold on… funny feelings happening… ahhhhh yes! Real Belgians eat them out of the converted ice-cream trucks, plain. Still good, I guess, … just not orgasmic.
8. “Ethnic” stuff: Oh, you mean like a late-night Pita? They can also be plonked on cous cous. ‘Cause that makes it - you know - exotic.
9. Breakfast: War rations of the business age, apparently - you are allowed one croissant (this could maybe be replaced by a brioche if you ask real nice) + a coffee. And NO YOU CANNOT TAKE THE COFFEE WITH YOU. You have to drink it right here because we have never heard of carry-out cups. [I'm not bitter, really! But if anyone wants advice on how to open a Starbucks - I used to hate Starbucks- in my building, let me know!]
10. Beer: Helloooo. This requires its own special list, and vocabulary, which is why I will let a real, live Belgian guest-post on the subject (if they don’t all hate me by now). Plus, this is the one positive point regarding nourishment in Belgium but since I’m almost entirely a (cheap, shitty) wine person it’s totally wasted on me.
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In case you actually wanted to know what to eat that’s “really Belgian” while you’re here (it’s pretty obvious what you’ll be drinking), I recommend waffles, chocolates and mussels as listed above. Also, the following dishes: Carbonnades a la Flammande (Flemish beef stew cooked in beer), Stoemp (mashed potatoes and sausage), and Waterzooi (creamy chicken). Really, considering the high concentration of Michelin-star-rated restaurants and great chefs in Belgium, it’s a disappointment that a common man on a budget can’t easily find excellent food. Excellent food - for me - means something more interesting than meat and potatoes with the occasional side of that nasty white asparagus. I know somebody who will argue this point with me, and I welcome it (hansosan)! So if you have a suggestion for a great place in Brussels to eat for under €20 per person (that includes my two glasses of wine), I promise to try it out and then write what I thought.
