It is seven weeks to the day that I started reading Allen Carr’s “The Easy Way to Quit Smoking”. Goddammit! And this Wednesday will make seven weeks that I have not smoked a cigarette. That is, not in real life. In my dreams I have smoked, baby! Allen Carr is all about how much you don’t miss smoking, which is what makes it easy to quit. Fact: I do not want to smoke again. Fact: I know that if I have one cigarette, I will have twenty per day, therefore I cannot touch the one cigarette. Fact: Allen Carr is a big fat fucking liar and I WANT A FUCKING CIGARETTE ANYWAY!
I really needed to get that off my chest.
If I could upload some music here, you’d get something veeeery nostalgic.
So…
TEN (REAL) REASONS QUITTING SMOKING IS FUCKING AWESOME
- I have about double or more the energy I had before. No shit. I wake up in the morning and I wonder what I’ll do with all the energy. This blog, for example, is a direct result of that energy. Not to mention a very scary new found want to learn how to sew. I’ve been weighing sewing machine options- Singer vs. Toyota. Okay, maybe even too much energy.
- I’ve already saved 5 Euros per day, minimum, for around €245 total. That’s a new Ipod. Or five tanks of gas (around 5,000 km). Or a couple of round-trip tickets almost anywhere in Europe.
- My dog doesn’t smell like smoke. She still smells like dog, … but not like smoke. I always felt guilty having a smokey dog.
- Next time I climb a long route, that’s a few less grams to carry. Next time I do anything, actually.
- I won’t feel like as big of a jerk around the Indian half of the family. I’ll still feel like the tattooed unmarried 30+ year old. But at least I won’t have to get stuck on the terrace with all the uncles and embarrass the aunties with my total disregard for ladylike behavior. Okay, actually I’m pretty sure that will all still happen. But at least I won’t be SMOKING when it happens. That should count for some points.
- When I go to a restaurant, I can sit any fucking where I want!
- Now when people are all “it’s because you’re a smoker, when you quit you’ll be able to taste so much more, smell so much more, blah blah!”, I can be all “no, I just naturally like shitty wine and buttloads of salt in my food, thank you very much, fuck off”.
- No worry anymore about all the nasty ashtrays and butts and stinky crap laying around my house when I have people over.
- No running out of the party to shiver and miss all the good stuff.
- Uh… not worrying about a long slow lung cancer death. Duh.
Off to save myself from toe cancer next!
ps. I actually do recommend the Allen Carr book. Just for the impetus! I quit, and I’ve smoked my entire adult life. It’s worth a shot.
September 1st, 2008 at
And we’re all proud of you ! Thanks to Carr & Paolo for the great example. Sorry about the tastebuds though, I always thought there was some hope left… . I guess the plonk market isn’t going to go under any time soon - and that in the centrum of Beer-heaven - what a shame.
September 3rd, 2008 at
Two packets of kudos! Still hard to imagine you two without the constant cloud around you. I wouldn’t bet on the few gramms spared… I gained like 7kg afterwards and sure it’s all muscles *cough*…
September 23rd, 2008 at
Ten pretty fuckin awesome counter arguments:
“I have about double or more the energy I had before.”
When I first met you, you had energy for 10 and smoked a ton. Don’t blame it on the smoking… it’s because now you’re eating more!
“I’ve already saved 5 Euros per day”
You have a well-paid job, why would you care???
“My dog doesn’t smell like smoke”
You didn’t give a shit so far (same as for FRIENDS that smelled like smoke).
“Next time I climb a long route, that’s a few less grams to carry.”
Go have a crap before you starting climbing. Weighs more than 10 packs of cigarettes PLUS the lighter.
“I won’t feel like as big of a jerk around the Indian half of the family.”
Sure, as often as you get to see them that is really a concern… NOT.
“When I go to a restaurant, I can sit any fucking where I want!”
You could do that before, too. Just go outside every once in a while and enjoy a really really nice CIGARETTE, and chat with the other friendly smokers outside. Smoking is an excellent way to make friends.
“when you quit you’ll be able to taste so much more, smell so much more, blah blah!”,
Actually tasting how bad bad food really is, is scary, and utterly unnecessary, a total waste. In the end, you’ll save money by smoking, because you don’t need to care about taste and quality of food.
“No worry anymore about all the nasty ashtrays and butts and stinky crap laying around my house when I have people over.”
More space for rotten food, dog hair, empty beer and wine bottles and used condoms.
“No running out of the party to shiver and miss all the good stuff.”
The good stuff is always where the smokers are.
“Uh… not worrying about a long slow lung cancer death. Duh.”
There are plenty of other long slow deaths that are still in reach for you. Living where you live is one of them.