topotales

Raining yet again;
it never hurts anyone
except you and me.

If I ignore SAP blink-blinking at me mockingly with its incomprehensible Germanic matrices for a few minutes and squint beyond my computer screen, towards the light, and the window I can see… wait for it… another totally bland factory-come-office building.    

Today I squinted out of my peephole and saw a group of people in fireman outfits with hoses a-blaring at the Other office building.  And for one glorious moment I thought that perhaps the whole fucking lot of them would burn down.  I know, I know, fires are not funny or nice.  But still, the song echoed in my ears… “we don’t need no water let the… burn… BURN … BURN“, progressively louder and louder, until I got so excited I almost whipped out the secret stash of single malt Scotch from my desk drawer and reminded myself to take a sip before spreading a trail between the buildings!  Then I realized what I was actually looking at.  It was one of those damned over-the-top office safety trainings, and the only thing to see under the sexy fireman costumes would be annoying business sharks in suits and tassled leather shoes.  And I wrote one of the saddest haikus of my life:

In my opinion, Office Fireman trainings are pretty useless since if there were actually a fire, I’m almost certain those guys would be snogging mighty swigs from my Scotch, throwing their tassles into the flames and singing the BURN song too.  Like if all the animal lab cages were suddenly flung open on Jurassic Park and it was FREE MEAT day.

But whatever.  At least the admins will now enjoy numerous guilt-free hours of worktime photoshopping pictures of their bosses trying pathetically hard to wrangle a hose instead of a blackberry.

ps- We’re off to the Dolomites for a few days!  Yioupieee!  I’m taking the hansosan and his youngest up their first multi-pitch routes, so if I don’t come back in one piece you all know who to sue… I mean blame… I mean commisserate with!

A gmail chat with Paolo: 

10:01 AM Paolo: I am sooooooo sleepy, you have no idea….
  I am almosto considering to lock myself in the bathroom and take a nap….

10:03 AM me:  Just have a coffee, you’ll be fine; that’s where i’m going now too!

 10:03 AM Paolo: had 3 already/ 

 10:04 AM me: Ask somebody to slap you, that might help.

10:04 AM Paolo: yes Annxxxe. 

 You should know that Annxxxe is my mother’s name, and that threatening to give “tight slaps” is big in my family.  And now that you know that about me, I’m sure a lot of other things are falling right into place.

I saw a couple of those missionary guys on my street this morning, and I thought to myself…

The word “mormon” is just half an m&m away from being the word ”moron”!

I do always feel just a little bit bad for those guys though, the same way I always feel just a little bit bad when I squish a mosquito.

Laying low in bed,
my body high: a fever.
Just bread and water.

I promise not to use the b-word in this post.  Or possibly ever again.  I have been exhausted and sick all week, but I must have been using my (big, fat) bumchies for a pillow to hit “publish” on a post that used it three times.

Using my bum(crap, another b-word)chies has been especially easy since I gained 4 kilos on a two-week trip.

Yeah.  Weird.  It’s a total mystery how that happened.

…I’m still a little groggy, but at least this time I picked a funny word.

She wore cosmetics,

those shaming prerequisites,

wishing she could cry.

Not my cousin - just the (cute) nosepicking flowergirl

I promise that I have a good reason for not having written.  P and I have been in the US for the last couple of weeks attending weddingS.  First, my cousin Axxxxx married Gxxxxx.  It was a beautiful wedding.  Brazilians, Brits, Americans and Indians were all in attendance.

Then, my one and only brother got married.  He and his bride looked beautiful, and overwhelmed with happiness.  And so we all felt to see these two best friends and lovers, so made for each other.  I didn’t know I could feel so proud of my baby brother.  Both of these kids are bright, beautiful and amazing people.

His wedding was incredibly beautiful.  And stressful.  Despite crying through the entire ceremony, I somehow I pulled off wearing a sari.  Not to mention chanting in Gujerati.  In front of real live people.  Without fainting or spontaneously combusting.  I have no idea how that happened.

I also have no idea how I am awake right now.  I haven’t slept in almost a week.

One more night of warmth,

then a long journey begins.

How shall I return?